Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy.

The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes.

Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence.

Marriages are made in heaven. But, again, so are thunder, lightning, tornados and hail

If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.
Katherine Hepburn

Car Manufacturer's formula for a successful marriage : Stick to one model!

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one

Marriage is the result of the longing for the deep, deep peace of the double bed after the hurly-burly of the chaise lounge.

To keep your marriage brimming with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up.

Marriage isn't supposed to make you happy - it's your job to make your marriage happy.
Diane Sollee

What you are as a single person, you will be as a married person, only to a greater degree. Any negative character trait will be intensified in a marriage relationship, because you will feel free to let your guard down -- that person has committed himself to you and you no longer have to worry about scaring him off.
Josh McDowell - Secrets of Loving

Only choose in marriage a woman whom you would choose as a friend if she were a man.
Joseph Joubert

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one. (Anonymous)

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep. (Anonymous)

Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink. --Lady Astor to Winston Churchill Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it. --His reply

I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again.
(Noel Coward, 1956)

"Men marry women with the hope they will never change. "Women marry men with the hope they will change. "Invaribly they are both disappointed."
(Albert Einstein)

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
(Hemant Joshi)

FUNNY MARRIAGE QUOTES

"The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman."
S. T. Coleridge

"I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again."
Noel Coward

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henry Youngman

"I'd marry again if I found a man who had 15 million and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage and guarantee he'd be dead within a year."
Bette Davis

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran

"My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe."
Jimmy Durante

"When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her."
Sacha Guitry

"A married man should forget his mistakes; no use two people remembering the same thing."
Duane Dewel

"The secret of a successful marriage is not to be at home too much."
Colin Chapman

"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."
Rodney Dangerfield

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray

The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him -
Oscar Wilde

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Henry Youngman

A husband's last words should always be 'OK buy it'.