Congratulations! You found that special someone with whom to share your life. And you want to tell everyone that you?ve ever met. Only one little hitch before you get hitched, how do you tell your ex-husband? Or, more to the point, do you have to? The answer to the second question is 'maybe.' It all depends on the relationship you have with this person. If you and your ex have children together and your new husband will be part of their lives, then you do have an obligation to talk to your ex about your upcoming marriage. Chances are that it will be no great surprise to your ex that you?re getting married. Your kids have probably talked to him about the new man in your life and he?s just waiting for you to mention it. You might want to tell your ex before you tell the kids. If there are any hurt feelings or upset emotions to be had, it would be best if he heard the news from you and not your children. A simple phone call, or meeting for coffee, is fine, depending on your relationship. You should also think about how the marriage will affect holiday plans and when you are planning the ceremony. If you share custody, make sure you?ve discussed who will take care of the children while you?re on your honeymoon. Some open discussions should have all the details worked out.

Without any children from the previous marriage, it becomes up to you and how you and your ex-husband interact. Treat him as if he was any other person in your life. If you would race to tell him because you?ve remained good friends, then by all means don?t hesitate to share your very good news. He?ll be happy for you and you?ll have what very few women do ? a really wonderful ex-husband and a really wonderful husband. You?re a very lucky woman.

Unfortunately, rarely do marriages end on peaceful terms. Few ex-wives are good friends with ex-husbands, or even acquaintances. In this case, I vote for selfishness. There is no obligation to tell your former spouse. This is a happy time for you, and if sharing the news with your ex will add to your happiness, then go ahead. If it won?t ? let him read it in the paper.

That probably sounded harsh, but if you and your ex aren?t on good terms, nothing will be gained by you calling him to say you?re getting married, or even sending a letter. If you are the first to remarry, it would take a better person than I to not give in to the temptation of sticking out the proverbial tongue. A chorus of 'na na na na boo boo' is, unfortunately, completely inappropriate. If you have any worries about him upsetting you, or if you have no desire to reopen the lines of communication, then just don?t. There should only be tears of joy when you get engaged. No one, not even your ex-husband, should be allowed to mar this wonderful occasion. If you have mutual friends, he?ll probably hear through them ? and by all standards that?s good enough.

Whether you decide to tell, or not tell, your ex is up to you. But remember, the most important thing is your happiness with your fianc? during these exciting months. Planning a wedding, joining resources and creating a new family is what this time is all about ? not your past relationships.